BJ McKelvie's NDE In Hell After He Commits Suicide

Today BJ is known for his dynamic soul-winning worship.  BJ McKelvie is the founder of Amaia Ministries.

His faith journey actually began a few years before.  Although he was a talented sound engineer with a bright future ahead of him, BJ was plagued with depression. Things go so bad that BJ decided to commit suicide. At the hospital his heart stopped twice and BJ stepped over the threshold that separates life and death.

Here is his story in his own words, taken from

I was 20 years of age and freshly out of engineering school and ready to take over the world, when a series of unfortunate events to place in my life.

I was at our summer place which was about 50 miles from the nearest town, now you see I was a proud unsaved person and mocked anyone who ever had emotional problems.

One night after playing cards with a friend I went home and got ready for bed. The next morning was to be my first day at a new job as an engineer.

As I got home I noticed a wind up alarm clock next to my bed that my mother had placed there. She borrowed it from a neighbor which was strange since I never needed a clock before to wake up. As I lay there emotions overwhelmed me and I could not take it anymore.

Just days before I was at the doctor for a sore throat and read on a sign that if you had any of these symptoms then you were dealing with depression, well I had everything on that list!

I brought it up with the doctor and she prescribed medication for me. I took the meds for a few days but things just kept getting darker and I had yet to tell anyone how I felt. I got up out of bed, reached for my bottle of pills and counted out “just enough”.

I knew that if I took to many it would make me sick but if I took just enough they would work to kill me. I took the pills two by two then went back to bed. Nothing happened for about an hour, I got up again and found a prescription that my mother had. Once again after taking “just enough”. I wrote a note to my parents and went to sleep.

The very last thing I said before I went to sleep that night was “God please forgive me for what I have done”.

Morning arrived an the alarm clock rang and rang until my mother got up to turn it off. As she tried to wake me she realized something was terribly wrong. My face was pale gray, I was barley breathing and would not wake up.

They rushed me to the country doctor who told them to get me to the hospital as fast as they could. They now had to face a one hour drive and fight to keep me alive. They finally arrived at the hospital with RCMP escort and rushed me in.

Meanwhile in the car they had tried to perform CPR but my jaw had locked closed making CPR impossible. I was now laying in a hospital bed, dying.

Suddenly, as real as real gets, I found myself standing at the nurses station, for some reason I was staring at a sink as a nurse brushed by me. I was thinking to myself how rude she was, it was as if she hadn’t seen me standing there.

As I lifted my head I saw my brother run by crying and my sister following, I watched as they left and then turned my head back to see my parents standing over a hospital bed crying. There was a doctor with them who was just leaving the room. Then one of the most shocking moments in my life – I saw who was in the bed…it was me!

As I realized who it was I suddenly saw a black diamond form under my bed. Like lightning I was pulled over and down into it.

From that moment on I was in total darkness, there was no ground, no sky, nothing around me except total darkness. It is hard to imagine but I was “nowhere”. There was no light at all except when I held up my hand to look at it. My hand was the only thing I could see.

Then I heard a voice. This voice was the most angry, big, deep and powerful voice you could ever imagine…as if it could crush you.

Those who commit suicide go nowhere” spoke the voice. It came from up and behind me over my right shoulder and I couldn’t see anyone there.

It is impossible for humans to comprehend eternity but for those that have been to the other side you get a quick glimpse. I began to realize that I was nowhere and it was forever.

I said to myself “I really did it” and then torment started. It was like I was looking through a piece of glass and I could see my family, crying and broken. All I wanted to do was let them know I was ok and I didn’t mean to do this. I wanted to say I was sorry and hold onto my mom. I couldn’t. It was horrible, I couldn’t move and I knew I was there forever and that once that glass disappeared, I would never again see my family.

I was totally alone, isolated and separated. Now after what seemed to be hours, “your not getting a second chance” spoke that voice again. I knew that my hell was starting. Once last time the voice spoke “You’re not getting a second chance – but a new beginning” but this time the voice was so soft and gentle and full of the most love you could imagine.

I finally woke out of a coma in intensive care with my family at my bedside. I went on to have a full recovery, after learning how to walk again and suffering substantial memory loss but as the years progress God is restoring what I need to know.

There is much more to the story and I will finish with this. My heart stopped twice and the second time It didn’t start again. I was dead.

Know, I am born again and in love with Jesus , alive and doing fine and the only reason I am here today and not in hell is because – God is faithful to forgive.

The last thing I said before I went to sleep was “God please forgive me for what I have done” and he did.

I did not go to heaven because there is only one way to heaven – through Jesus Christ , I know that know, but God had to be a man of His word and forgive me. He did not give me a second chance because I didn’t deserve one but he gave me a new beginning because I asked him to forgive me.

BJ McKelvie

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